you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
