I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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