Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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