Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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