I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
