What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
