you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
sarcasm needs its own font
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
