thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
