i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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