And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
