I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
