I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
