whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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