Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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