Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
