And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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