"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
