In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
