Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
