one two three fourrrrnication!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize