I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
