There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
