If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
