A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
