I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
