So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
