I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
