she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
