I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
