You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
