Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
