Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
