It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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