It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
