You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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