A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
