We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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