i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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