I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
