Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
