I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
