how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
