I CAN MOONWALK!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
