I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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