I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
