mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
