i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
