i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
