they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
