What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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