Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Your dad touched me again.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
