They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize