i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
