Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
