I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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