just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We talked him into tasing himself.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
