But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
