Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
