but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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