nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
