my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
