Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
