And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
