I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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