Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
