why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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