So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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