On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize