I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
