Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I am morally bankrupt
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
