I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
