No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize