My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize