you have to choose: penises or morals?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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