Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize