dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
