New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
