My first STD was from a foam party
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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