I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
