Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize