There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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