Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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