The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
