im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Jerry, you need to find god
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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