hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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