i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
