can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
