as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize