they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
