Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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