if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
