That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
