Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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