She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
