I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize