my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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