Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
