after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
