My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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