Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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