Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just cropdusted the office
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
