i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
