just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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